What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
