She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
