he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just had sex on a roof
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
