I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
