It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
