After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
