I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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