Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
