and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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