Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
