She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
