I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
