If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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