But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
