we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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