When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
