I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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