i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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