ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
