last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
