Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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