Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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