I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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