She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
