did you get engaged???
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
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We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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