So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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