Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
