I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
