weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
