I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
