She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
