hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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