Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
