this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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