her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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