I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
