You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
