i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think I just shit out all my problems.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
