I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
