Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
