is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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