Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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