Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
