you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
