just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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