this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
