My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
