My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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