Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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