so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
