Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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