I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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