Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I smell like Dick and happiness
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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