New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
