Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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