Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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