you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
