I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
