i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
