I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
