Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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