i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
