What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
