I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
