Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
