dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
