Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
