I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
