I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
