Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
