this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
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I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
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You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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