I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
