dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
