somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
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He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
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No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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