she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
