dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
