so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Let's get the cat blown out
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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