Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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