The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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