no, he came in my armpit
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
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