i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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